


This Christmas

by CameoAmalthea



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 09:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16972128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CameoAmalthea/pseuds/CameoAmalthea
Summary: As the fall semester draws to a close Axel plans to spend Christmas break back home with family. When Axel finds out a fellow student, Roxas, has nowhere to go and is homeless until the dorms reopen, he offers his apartment. Axel gets a house-sitter. Roxas gets a place to stay. It seemed like a perfect arrangement until a snow storm cancels Axel's travel plans and forces the two to be roommates.





	1. December 12th

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cream_pudding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/gifts).



Axel pulled his jacket closer around himself as he made his way down the university’s mall, feeling a bite in the air. In the brochures the mall was always green, but by this time of year the grass was brown and dead, littered with fallen leaves and muddy in places from sleet and freshly melted snow. He swore the buildings that flanked the mall on either side created a wind tunnel or something. He turned his head down and watched as yellow leaves skittered across the sidewalk. A longboard zoomed past, crushing the leaves under its wheels.

He looked up and saw the rider was someone he knew.

“Roxas!” he called.

The boy pulled to a stop and turned. Axel waved at him.

“Where you headed?” asked Axel. “Class?”

“No,” Roxas said, “I’m done for the day. Headed back to the dorm.”

“You had lunch yet?” asked Axel. “I was just headed to the union if you want to join me.”

“Sure,” he said.

He picked up his board and slid it into a special strap on the back of his bag designed to hold it. Once he’d shouldered his backpack, Axel fell into step beside him. Together they made a beeline for the student union. Axel was looking forward to getting inside.

“So,” said Axel, “do you want to hit the food court or….?”

He let the question hang. There were a few options in the building: A main food court with the same sort of fast food joints you’d find in any mall, then there were the different sit-down type restaurants, spread across the building on different floors. A nicer version of a cafeteria on the top floor, Italian on the next floor down, followed by a Mexican grill, a build you own salad, and an organic grass fed burger joint in the basement. The choices weren’t exactly endless or fantastic, but they were the only options available and Axel decided he would let Roxas pick.

The kid seemed kind of down. If it wasn’t freezing out, he’d have offered to buy him an ice cream. They did hand dipped cones over at the mini-mart, plus there was a froyo place upstairs, but somehow it didn’t seem like an ice cream kind of day. Maybe some hot chocolate or a latte? Although at this time of day, both the coffee shops in the union probably had a line out the door.

Still, Axel wanted to offer something. Ever since he was a kid, Axel had had a knack for telling if someone was feeling down, and he felt compelled to try to cheer them up,whether it was telling jokes, buying them food or just hanging out until they were smiling again. It had earned him the moniker of class clown back in high school. Of course, he’d matured a bit since then, but he still hated seeing anyone frowning. He also couldn’t stand silence, and Roxas’ silence was particularly broody today.

“Finals stressing you out?” he asked, reaching to hold the door open for Roxas.

Roxas just shrugged, hands in his pockets, and wandered inside, waiting for Axel to shut the door.

“You’re a freshman, right?” asked Axel. “I know I was crazy stressed before my first finals season. Your whole life they talk up how hard college is going to be and then you get here and some of your professors insist it’s going to be even worse than you imagined. The trick is don’t freak yours-”

“Hey,” Roxas cut him off, voice terse “Look I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s not that.” Roxas finally looked up at him and sighed before forcing a smile. “Schools fine.”

“Ok,” Axel shrugged. “You know, if you need a tutor I can help. I’m studying engineering so that kind of means I have to be smart. I even volunteer to tutor chemistry over at the rec.”

Roxas gave him a rueful smile, some of his humor returning. “I’m an English major,” he said, “and really, I’m fine. School is the one thing that’s never been a problem.”

Roxas didn’t elaborate any further, and while Axel wanted to ask what was the problem, he didn’t want to pry. It wasn’t like he really knew Roxas that well. They were friends, but not that close. They’d met at the campus gay/straight alliance social club, and kept running into each other at the club’s game nights, drag shows, sex ed seminars, discussions and trips off campus to a nearby coffee house where they’d all sit in the courtyard and chat. Students from the club tended to band together. Not everyone became best of friends, of course, but everyone shared a connection in that they were all different in their own way.

Axel mulled that over. What did he really know about Roxas, anyway? Name: Roxas, Pronouns: he/him. He liked skateboarding. His hair always seemed sort of fluffy and Axel had to resist the urge to ruffle it each time he saw him since they weren’t that close. He seemed pretty smart, too. Sometimes he just stared off like he was lost in thought. Kind of quiet.

It wasn’t Axel’s place to pry into his problems. Instead of asking again what the issue was,he asked. “So, what do you want to get for lunch?”

“The creperie?” Roxas suggested before shrugging again.

“Sure, sounds good” said Axel. “They’ve got a few savory options so we can make it a full meal. I really like the egg and cheese one with a dash of hot sauce.”

“Is it bad that I kind of just want a nutella crepe?” asked Roxas.

“Not bad,” said Axel, “you could add bananas to it. That’s a fruit. That counts as food. Besides, you’re an adult. You can eat what you want.”

“Nutella crepes it is then.”

“Sounds good,” Axel agreed., “We can get it to go and take it to the downstairs TV lounge. They don’t care if you bring food in there and it’ll probably be pretty dead. Everyone’s using the quiet rooms to study.”

“Sounds good,” Roxas echoed with little enthusiasm.

Once they’d gotten their food they headed to the basement. Axel scanned his student ID on the door’s keycard pad and opened the door, letting Roxas in first. There were a handful of students in the room. A couple of guys playing Magic The Gathering in one corner, a girl with large headphones playing a videogame on her laptop with an external mouse. A TV hung in the upper corner at the back of the room playing some Christmas special.

Roxas looked at the TV and frowned, clenching his eyes shut for a moment.

“Let’s go back here,” Axel suggested, leading them towards a couple of overstuffed chairs in front corner of the room, well away from the television. He took the corner chair so that Roxas could have his back to the TV. Then he dragged a little table over for them to eat.

He set his paper plate down and unwrapped his plastic utensils to carve up his ham and cheese filled crepe. Roxas just ate his with his hands, holding it like an ice cream cone and sometimes licking at the chocolate.

“Good?” asked Axel.

“Yeah,” said Roxas. He opened his bottle of milk and took a sip.

“Doing anything for over winter break?” asked Axel, just trying to make conversation as they settled in.

Roxas’s already somewhat sullen expression turned even darker. He set down his half eaten crepe on the plate and glared at it. “I’m trying not to think about it.”

“Oh,” said Axel. So that’s what it was...Maybe his parents weren’t accepting. Was he closeted? That was rough.

“What about you?” asked Roxas, shifting the conversation away from himself.

“Oh, um,” he said, “driving home. Quite the road trip but I don’t want to be without a car and airports are crazy this time of year. One year I got stranded in an airport during a layover.”

“Really?” Roxas asked, and he picked up his crepe again and took another bite.

“Yeah,” Axel said, grimacing as he remembered it. “Huge snow storm grounded everything. Hotels were all full, I was sleeping on the floor and let me tell you, airport carpeting is not comfortable.”

“Is any carpeting comfortable?” asked Roxas, actually smiling at him.

“Some is,” Axel insisted. “I’ve gone over to friends’ places just to nap on their carpet. Super comfortable.”

Roxas laughed and Axel felt a warm feeling spread across his chest, almost like being hugged. Roxas had a great smile. Too bad he didn’t smile more...Too bad he apparently had reasons not to smile.

“You said it’s quite the road trip, how far is it?” asked Roxas.

“Three days,” said Axel, “if I stop and don’t drive straight through. I don’t want to drive tired and a few nights in motels is about the same cost as a airline ticket.”

“You’re from out of state then?” asked Roxas.

“Yeah, east coast,” said Axel. “What about you?”

“I’m from a couple hours north of here, outside of Little Falls.”

“I didn’t know there was a north of here,” said Axel.

“Most of the state is north of here, Axel,” Roxas deadpanned. “The town where I’m home is actually pretty much the center of the state. And then there’s Canada.”

“Right,” said Axel.

“Not that there’s much worth seeing north of here,” he said. “What made you come out here anyway?”

“One of the best Chemical Engineering programs in the country,” said Axel. “The only downside is it’s a long trip home, especially if you don’t fly.”

“Your parents send you money?” asked Roxas, sounding surprised

“They offer,” Axel said, “but I make enough at my job at the lab to cover it. Between scholarships and managing to actually get a paid gig I’m doing all right. Besides, they already pay for my apartment, insurance, and car insurance. They help enough, you know?”

“Must be nice,” Roxas muttered.

“I take it your parents aren’t that supportive,” Axel said, recognizing a sore spot when he heard one.

“No parents,” Roxas admitted. “I lived with my grandfather before college, legal guardian I guess you’d call it.”

“And you don’t get along with him?” asked Axel, trying to broach the subject gently. He wasn’t here to pry, but he wanted to be here to be supportive.

Roxas glared down at his crepe again. “He pretty much said I was on my own at eighteen,” he said, “I don’t think he was a big fan of my mother. To be fair neither am I. Anyway, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do over the break. I don’t want to call and beg him for a place to stay.”

Axel frowned. “Can’t you stay in the dorms?”

Roxas shook his head. “They close the dorms over Christmas break.”

The look on Axel’s face must have spoken volumes, because Roxas continued.

“I know, right?” he said, “For what I’m spending for two semesters in the dorms I could rent an apartment for a year and I don’t even get to stay there over Christmas or in the summer unless I take summer classes or something. Even then I’ll to move from where I am to a summer dorm. I’ve got a plan for summer though. They’ve got a program where you can work as cleaning service for the summer. You get paid and you get to stay in a dorm room for free. You just have to clean up after all the athletes here for training and campers who rent the dorms out over the break. So that’s planned out...it’s just...finding a plan for a month in winter over the holidays…”

“And the school doesn’t offer anything?” asked Axel.

Roxas shrugged again. “I talked to resident dean. He suggested getting a housesitting job or looking into airBNB. I’m just not sure what I’ll be able to find...or afford.”

“No wonder you’re stressed,” said Axel.

Roxas looked away and wiped at his face.

Shit.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” said Axel. “I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s not your fault,” Roxas said, drying off his face with one of the napkins, “it’s just embarrassing. I just wanted to be a normal college kid. I thought here it wouldn’t matter that I’m not like everyone else. Not having parents doesn’t matter once you’re an adult, right? But I can’t rent an apartment without a surety and that leaves dorms but they’re not reliable. I know people mean well, but it’s just frustrating, hearing about what people are doing over the break and feeling left out all over again. And I don’t want to talk about not having a place to go for Christmas, or that I’m looking into if I can stay in homeless shelter since I’ll be locked out once finals are over.”

“Hey,” said Axel again, gently, soothing. He put a hand on Roxas’s shoulder, and offered him another napkin for his face. “I’m sure you’re not alone. I’m sure there’s plenty of people who don’t have families or at least not ones they want to see. Hell, for a lot of people college is a way to escape abusive parents. It’s freedom. It’s -”

“A home,” said Roxas. “Just not over break.” He laughed bitterly and wiped his eyes again. Roxas reached and took a sip of his bottle of milk.

“Well, I have an apartment,” suggested Axel. “And I’ll be out of town, so I guess that means I technically need a house sitter.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Hey, why not?” asked Axel. “Otherwise my place would just be sitting empty. Who knows, maybe I’d get robbed. You could be saving me from coming home to a break-in. You’re the one doing me a favor.” He said brightly. When Roxas didn’t return his smile he added “If you want to, that is…”

“You were fine leaving your place without a house sitter before you found out I needed a place to stay,” Roxas pointed out. “This isn’t me doing you a favor.”

“Well why can’t I do you a favor then?” asked Axel.

“Why do you want to help me?”

“Why not?” asked Axel. “The way I see it if someone needs help and you can do something then you should. Simple as that. Besides, we might not know each other super well, but I think I can trust you not to burn the place down or anything.”

“Yeah, I think I can manage that,” said Roxas, “besides you’re the burning things down expert right? Pyrotechnic engineering?”

“You remembered that?” he asked surprised. How long ago had it been since they’d done an ice breaker where they talked about their majors. Was it the first club meeting of the year. Axel hadn’t even remembered what Roxas was studying much less specifics.

Roxas blushed and looked down at his food. “Well, your hair kind of reminded me of a firework so I thought it was kind of ironic. And maybe wanted to know a bit about you...But you’re older so I figured you wouldn’t really want to waste time on someone too young to go to a bar.”

“Well one thing you learn in college is the age range of your friend group tends to expand,” he said, “we’re all students and there’s more to college life than drinking. So what do you say? Can we consider each other friends and as my friend would you like to stay at my place while I’m away.”

“You’re sure,” asked Roxas.

“Yes, how many time do I have to repeat the invitation. You’re welcome any time, Roxas. So do you want stay over?”

“Yeah, I want to,” said Roxas beaming suddenly. He leapt up from his chair and threw himself into Axel’s arms hugging him, which was bit awkward since Axel was also sitting and now Roxas was practically on his lap.

Roxas backed away, blushing. “Sorry,” said Roxas, “I’m just...you’ve really saved my life here. It’s like a giant weight off my chest.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Axel, grinning back at him. “Just focus on your finals, we’ll sort the rest out as it comes.”


	2. December 20th

Roxas hefted his duffle bag and followed Axel up the stairs.

“Welcome to my apartment,” said Axel as he slid his key into the door. Roxas followed him inside and looked around.

“Nice place,” he said, looking around in awe. The floors looked like soft grey hardwood though Roxas guessed it was vinyl. Grey stone framed a fireplace in the corner, accenting a light beige wall. The kitchen was open, separated from the living room only by a bar which also held held the sink. The countertops were of black stone and all the appliances were steel. “Like really nice.”

“If you’re willing to live away from campus and commute in you can find some decent places,” said Axel. “We’re kind of out in the boonies here, but it’s quiet.”

Roxas nodded. It had been about a thirty minute drive on the freeway after Axel picked him up outside the dorm. Not a lot within walking distance of here, he figured, maybe a gas station and a grocery store. Still, it was certainly a lot better that being homeless. He slid the bad off his shoulder, setting it on the floor for the moment until Axel told him where he should put his things.

“The bedroom is through there,” said Axel, pointing. “I just washed the sheets and bedding and it’s all made up, so you can sleep there. Laundry things are here.” He walked into a small hallway between the bathroom and bedroom and pulled open folding doors which slid away to reveal a washer and dryer. “Just throw a pod in when you need to do a load.”

“I know how to do laundry, Axel,” said Roxas, “And I’m happy to be able to do it without having to pay.”

“You have to pay to do laundry in the dorms?” asked Axel.

“Yeah, coin machines in the basement.”

“Man oh man, you really don’t get much for the price, huh?” asked Axel.

“It’s a good location,” said Roxas with a shrug.

“Yeah, but with how high tuition is you’d think they’d throw in free parking or something,” Axel said. “But hey, with the commute and what I pay for my spot in a garage, maybe it’s an even deal. And it’s probably more fun around campus. I hope you’re not bored out of your mind here over break.”

“I’ll survive,” said Roxas. “As long as you give me your wifi password.”

“Sure thing,” said Axel. He disappeared into the bedroom, reappearing with a piece of paper. “Network and password.”

“Thanks,” said Roxas, taking it in hand.

“Commit it to memory,” said Axel, and tapped his head. He laughed when Roxas gave him a look. “Just kidding, you can keep the paper and just call me if you need anything.”

“Do you need to take off now?” asked Roxas.

“Probably,” Axel said, although it didn’t sound like he was too worried about it. “I never plan to leave anywhere early, I like sleep too much for that. I guess when I said it was a three day drive, that’s a three day drive assuming I’m not going to get out here before afternoon. Since I had to pick you up at nine, I’m probably going to make the best time ever.”

Axel took out his keys and began the process of removing the car key from the keyring. Roxas made a ‘hmm’ noise, his attention focused on something beyond Axel.

“Maybe not with that weather,” said Roxas, pointing to the large window. Axel whirled to look. It had been grey and cold all morning, thick clouds blanketing the sky. Now, thick snowflakes had begun to fall.

“Ah man, just my luck,” Axel said, going to the window for a closer look. “Traffic is going to be a nightmare. Well, more of a nightmare. Maybe it’s time to stop procrastinating.” He moved away from the window, but he didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry to hit the roads. Instead, he stood there and stared at Roxas, then back out the window with a slight frown.

“I can handle house sitting,” said Roxas, then hesitated. “You’re not having second thoughts about letting me stay here are you?”

“What? No,” said Axel adamantly as he turned back to face him. “Maybe just second thoughts about this drive. And...well...you sure you won’t be lonely? You know, if you wanted to come with me, I’m sure my folks wouldn’t mind. I just...wouldn’t want you to feel awkward.”

“I couldn’t ask to stay with your family for a month,” said Roxas.

“I mean, it could be fun! Maybe I wouldn’t have to spend my whole break at home,” said Axel. “I mean, sure there are some people I like to catch up with, but you know, here is home too.”

Roxas turned a way, looking through the window and down into the parking lot where Axel’s car sat parked. The snow was beginning to coat it. Whatever they decided, they should decide soon. Would it be awkward to be stuck in a car with Axel for that long? What would they talk about?

Then Axel had said it would be a few days drive. They’d have to share a hotel room. Did Axel expect anything to happen in the hotel room? They’d have to shower and get dressed. What if he saw Axel in just a towel?

Roxas wouldn’t really mind that exactly but...just randomly going on a road trip with some guy?

“Would your family really be ok with you bringing random friends back for Christmas?” he asked, turning back to Axel.

“Sure, why not?’ asked Axel. “The more the merrier right?”

“I can’t imagine having a family like that,” said Roxas.

“Well if you come with me you wouldn’t have to imagine,” said Axel. “It’s fun, tons of family come in and we all have dinner together. It’s like a giant crazy sleepover. Besides, you’re already packed!” He gestured to the duffle bag at Roxas’s feet.

“What about watching your house?” asked Roxas. “Don’t you need me to stay here so you don’t get robbed?”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” said Axel. “But you know, it’s just an offer. If you want to come along, you can.”

“I couldn’t,” said Roxas, heartbeat racing. Meeting new people, especially other people’s parents was terrifying. And then there would be questions, like why he wasn’t at home. And what if people assumed he and Axel were dating? The way Axel talked about his family Roxas assumed he was out to them and they were cool with it, so people would be bound to assume that they were together. Why else would he be joining Axel for Christmas?

There was just so much potential for awkward moments.

“Axel,” said Roxas, “you’re already doing me a favor letting me stay here. You don’t have to take me home with you like I’m some stray puppy.”

“All right,” Axel said with a shrug, “just thought I’d offer. No one should be alone at Christmas.”

“What are you, a greeting card?” Roxas snarked, then laughed.“I guess you do seem like the type.”

“What type?” asked Axel.

“They type who gets really into the holidays,” he said. “The lights, the food, the people and music. All that stuff.”

“Hey,” said Axel, “I thought I was the cool aloof type who wears leather jackets and would rather stay home! You seem more like you’d be the ray of sunshine type.”

“What, why?” asked Roxas. No one had ever mentioned ‘sunshine’ when describing him before.

“Because when you get excited, you’re almost like a little kid,” said Axel.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Roxas.

Axel didn’t reply immediately. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed an plastic grocery bag from under the sink, then moved to the cabinets to gather some snacks.

Had Axel forgot to pack snacks before now or was he making sure there was enough snacks for two people? Did he just assume Roxas was going to agree to this. It was crazy. He looked down at this bag, and nudged it with his foot. Just because he was already packed did not mean he was going on a trip.

“I remember when you found out they sold ice cream in the student union?” asked Axel, “Your smile could light up a room. Do you like any of this stuff?” He motioned to the bag of snacks.

“I haven’t agreed to going with you,” said Roxas. “You don’t have to pack snacks for me.”

“Well if you’re not coming with me then I should probably leave some snacks for you,” he said. He pulled the bag open wider so Roxas could have a look inside.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” said Roxas. “There’s a grocery store.”

“It’s snowing, less reason to be out in this weather the better,” said Axel. “Besides, you know what I really love about this time of year? All the stress and commercialism aside, I like the idea of a day set aside to spread some joy. A time when everyone is just a little nicer. Even if that means sharing my stash of cookies.”

“I loved Christmas when I was a kid,” Roxas admitted, moving to the window. “Watching all the specials. Back before mom left...My grandfather doesn’t really believe in Christmas.”

“Really?” asked Axel.

“Christmas is not approved by God because it is rooted in pagan customs and rites,” said Roxas, mimicking his grandfather’s deep voice, then sighed.

“Did he drag you to Mass to experience what Christmas should be about?”

“No, like, literally we don’t acknowledge it at all. It’s against,” he made air quotes with his hands, “Biblical Principles” because the Bible doesn’t give a date of birth for Jesus and Jesus never commanded we celebrate his birth. Jesus’ apostles and early disciples did not celebrate Christmas, so we shouldn’t either.”

“That’s rough,” said Axel.

“I’m lucky I didn’t move in with him until I was fourteen so I got the Christmas experience as a kid. Then again, maybe if I’d been raised without it I wouldn’t have missed it. But hey, i’m an adult now. I don’t need kid stuff. It’s just another day.”

He gave Axel a smile, wishing he wouldn’t worry about him. It was easier to not to feel sad if you didn’t dwell on it. Roxas had learned a long time ago that there was no point feeling sorry for himself, and Axel was already doing him a huge favor by letting him stay in the apartment. It felt wrong intruding on family stuff.

Axel seemed like he was about to argue and tell him why adults needed “kid stuff” every once in a while when he was interrupted by an insistent buzzing in his pocket. Axel pulled out his phone and held up a finger for Roxas to wait, indicating this conversation wasn’t over.

“Hi mom,” said Axel., cradling the phone against his head as he went back to pulling things out of the fridge. “Good timing, I was gonna call--” He broke off, listening to his mom speak while Roxas cringed. He hated being in the same room when someone was one the phone.

“I’m not driving, yet, chill.” Axel told his mother, then rolled his eyes for Roxas as his mother spoke again. “Yeah, I’m still at home. Was about to head out.”

Roxas looked around. He figured it was ok to just sit down on the couch, although he’d still be able to hear Axel’s side of the conversation. Would it be rude to ask Axel to go in another room?

“I’ll be careful,” Axel said, his voice assuring. Apparently his mother wasn’t very happy with what he had to say.

Roxas sighed. It probably be rude to ask. It was Axel’s house after all. Besides, he couldn’t ask him without interrupting him and he would not interrupt someone on the phone.

“Mom? This last minute?” Axel wasn’t very happy about something, either.

Roxas looked at the door. Maybe he could just step outside? Except it was freezing out and literally snowing. Pretend he needed to go the bathroom until it sounded like Axel was done.

“Mom even if you find a decent flight, it’ll cost why too much money at this point.”

Flight? Roxas didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it was kind of hard not to since Axel was right there.

“If the weather’s as bad as you’re saying, would flying really be safer? What are the odds I’ll ended stranded somewhere again?” Axel had finally stopped what he was doing and was concentrating on his mother, although he frowned as she argued.

So his mother didn’t want him driving?

Axel sighed and began to pace. “All right,” he said, pausing to let out a long sigh, “I don’t want to worry you. But maybe I should just stay put? Wait out the storm.”

So Axel might not go home after all? What would that mean for him? He could just imagine it: Sorry, looks like I don't need a housesitter after all. Axel had every right to kick him out-- it was his place, after all. But where would he go? Roxas looked out the window again and stared at the thick clumps of snow with a growing sense of dread.

“Mom, I love you and Dad. I want to be there, but maybe I should just stay home this year?”

Roxas felt sick to his stomach. Where was he going to go? How awkward was going to be when Axel got off the phone? He didn’t want to guilt him into letting him stay. No, he could go. Just had to find somewhere for Axel to drop him off.

Roxas fished out his phone and began searching homeless shelters as Axel finished up his call with his mother.

“I wouldn’t be alone,” Axel insisted to his mother. “I have a friend who was gonna be housesitting for me anyway, so if I had to stay we’d just spend the holiday together.”

At those words Roxas froze and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“His name’s Roxas.” Axel caught his gaze and winked, once, then turned to start putting things back in the cupboards. Roxas stood, frozen, trying to come to terms with what Axel was saying.

Axel would let him stay. More than that, it sounded like Axel wanted him to stay.

“Mo-om,” Axel groaned. Roxas frowned. What was that about?

“At the -” he sighed again and massaged his temple. “He’s just a friend, ok?”

Just a friend. Did his mom think? Right...so he was out or at least she knew. Was she really ok with it?

“I know I can,” he said, “and I extended an invitation, but he’s not interested.” Axel looked over at Roxas. He mouthed ‘Sorry’ before turning his attention back to his mother. “Mom, it’s fine. He doesn't want to come. And you know how crazy it can get, I think it would be a bit overwhelming with everyone.”

It was good his parents really did seem to be supportive, but Roxas was glad he’d declined the invitation. It would be awkward to have Axel’s family assume they were dating.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Axel was insisting. Apparently his mom wasn’t buying the ‘just friends’, even though it was the truth. “We’re friends. He’s just watching the house over the holidays since you can’t stay in the dorms over break. But if we both end up staying here it’ll be fun. We’ll finally have a chance to kick back and relax. Finals were brutal.”

It was already awkward. Roxas could feel his face burning and really hoped his blushing wasn’t too noticeable. He took a deep breath, and forced himself to look out the window to at least pretend to give Axel some privacy.

“Mo-om” Axel groaned at something his mother said and all Roxas could do was hope it wasn’t about him.

He looked back at Axel, but couldn’t guess what was being said...Maybe it wasn’t about him anymore. Maybe he was just being paranoid. He couldn’t help it really. He always thought people were talking about him if he couldn’t hear what they were saying. Not in a narcissistic way, at least he hoped not. More in a secretly convinced he was always about to be in trouble or discover no one really liked him all that much kind of way.

“You know I could still come for new years maybe. If the weather clears up.”

It seemed they were back on the subject of whether Axel should come home for Christmas. Roxas kind of hoped his mother would insist. Staying at Axel’s place for the break made him feel anxious enough as it was, like he intruding. Staying here with Axel? Things could get awkward. What if he did something wrong and screwed up their friendship?

“I’m hanging up now,” said Axel. He hit a button on his phone and turned to Roxas. “I’m so sorry about that. You couldn’t hear her right?”

Roxas shook his head. Before he could ask what was up Axel’s phone buzzed again.

“Yes mom?” Axel rolled his eyes then said, “fine, I love you mom.” He hung up again. “Sorry, she doesn’t like saying goodbye unless we say I love you. So uh...how much of that did you catch?”

“I take it your mom doesn’t want you driving home after all?” he asked.

“Yeah, something about a winter vortex,” he said. “She offered to get me plane tickets but I’d really rather not-- unless you wanted to? That offer is still open.”

“She offered to buy me plane tickets?” Roxas asked shocked at the idea. “She’s never even met me!”

“We’re pretty comfortable,” said Axel, “both my parents are engineers and I’m an only child. My parent’s philosophy with money is if you have it to spare, spare some...not that it would be charity or anything. Just hospitality.”

“Right,” said Roxas. “So you’re staying here?”

“I was thinking about it,” said Axel, turning to the window again. “It’s not a fun drive even in good weather. Traffic getting out of the city. Traffic going through cities on the way. Lots of boring highway. And you know, I’m sure my mom has images of me trapped in the car and buried in a snow drift somewhere. If I stay home, no one has to worry.”

“Are sure you’d be ok with me staying here in that case?” asked Roxas. “I can find someplace else to crash, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“What?” asked Axel, giving him an easy smile. “Of course I’m ok with it! Hell, Roxas, I was worried about you being stuck here all alone without even a car to get around if you get cabin fever. This way I can keep you company.” He paused, his bright tone shifting to one of uncertainty. “If you want that, anyway.”

“Not like I have much of a choice,” he pointed out. A moment after he’d said it he realized how ungrateful he sounded. He hadn’t meant to be rude. “Sorry, I mean, I don’t have other plans, but...well I’m not sure you’d wanna be snowed in with me.”

“Hey,” said Axel gently, “don’t feel like that. I wouldn’t want you to feel stuck with me. I’d like your company, if you can tolerate me. And hey! My mom just sent me a ton of money for us to spend together.””

Axel held up his phone as if that answered everything, but Roxas gave him a confused look.

“I didn’t want her spending money on a plane ticket,” Axel explained. “But she insisted that since she’s my mother, it’s her job to take care of me. So since I’m not letting her buy us plane tickets, she’s giving us the money she would have spent so we can have, and I quote, a great Christmas together here.”

“She thinks we’re dating, doesn’t she?” Roxas deadpanned.

“She’s overly supportive of the prospect of my love life,” laughed Axel. “But anyway, my point is with what she’s sending, it’s more than I need. I could always set you up with an extended stay hotel or airBNB. There’s probably a lot close to campus. Probably more fun down there anyway. It can’t be a total ghost town right?”

“I couldn’t just take your money,” said Roxas, “or your mom’s money. You don’t have to do that… Unless, you don’t want me to stay but you’d feel bad about dropping me at a shelter or something.”

“I’m not dropping you at a shelter or something,” said Axel firmly. “And I want you to stay. Like I said, I didn’t like the idea of you spending the holiday alone. Now we can spend it together! You know, just two bros enjoying a vacation from school doing bro things.”

“Did you just ‘no homo’ me?” asked Roxas, incredulous.

“I don’t want you to feel awkward,” said Axel. “We are friends and I am respectful of any and all of your boundaries. This will be fun. Like a sleep over.”

“I’ve never had a sleepover,” Roxas admitted, but he was warming up to the idea. It could be fun.

“Really? Never?” asked Axel. “Well it’s never too late and college sleepovers are even more fun because we can drink.”

“I’m not old enough-”

“Oh, right,” said Axel, “freshmen. Although that never stopped me as a freshmen. If you’ve got friends old enough to buy you’re old enough to be at a party where no one cares if you drink. Not that you have to drink. We can do whatever. I’ve got a ton of video games.”

Axel gestured to his entertainment system. Roxas gawked at the collection. He wasn’t kidding.

“Seems like you’re really into games,” Roxas noted, walking over to give it a closer look. There were some figures on the shelves beside the games, and a Final Fantasy poster, too.

“Games, animes, nerdy shit,” said Axel. He walked over to join Roxas’ appraisal of the collection. “I’m really not helping my ‘cool guy’ image, am I?”

“No, games are cool,” said Roxas. “I had a gameboy as a kid. Then I picked up a PSP at the used bookstore back in August. I’ve actually been playing Crisis Core.”

“Really?” asked Axel, enthusiastically pointing to the game in his collection “That’s one of my favorites! I’ve got the Play Arts for Cloud, Zack, and Sephiroth.”

“Cool,” said Roxas, by a certain definition of cool. He felt a lot better just talking to Axel. Maybe spending the holiday with him wouldn't it be so bad. Maybe it would even be good.


	3. December 21st

The next day the snow stopped long enough for Axel to get to the car and run some errands. He returned to the apartment after a very successful shopping excursion, humming to himself as he pulled out his prize. Axel hoisted the small tree over his shoulder, tree stand dangling from the other hand. When he reached the front door of his apartment, he thudded a boot against his door and called out.

“Hey Roxas? Mind getting the door for me?”

A moment later the door opened.

“What is that?” asked Roxas.

“It’s a tree,” Axel deadpanned, moving passed him and into the living room. He leaned the tree against the wall and set about unwrapping the stand.

“I can see that,” Roxas replied. He eyed the tree with a raised eyebrow. “Why do you have a tree?”

“Well,” said Axel, “generally at Christmas people decorate a tree. You don’t have anything against celebrating right?”

“No,” said Roxas, shaking his head. “I just didn’t expect it.”

“Well, I figured my mom sent me a bunch of money and she wants us to have a great Christmas, so why not? You haven’t had a proper Christmas in too long. Do you mind running down to the car? I’ve got some more stuff in there, decorations and whatnot.” He fished in his pockets for the keys and held them out to Roxas.

“Ok,” said Roxas, “glad to help.”

By the time Roxas got back Axel, had the tree screwed in place and was in the process of filling the stand with water.

“Looks pretty good, right?” Axel asked, turning to Roxas. He got to his feet and took some of the bags from Roxas. “Imagine how much better it’ll look when we get the lights on it. I also bought a ton of ornaments.”

“So you want me help decorate?” asked Roxas. He looked down at the bag in his arms. At the top of the pile of ornaments was a set of check print spears with a tiny sprig of holly made of plastic jewels caught his eye. Roxas loved all things checkers, and it occasionally showed in his wardrobe. He wondered if Axel had chosen these especially for him.

“Well yeah,” said Axel shrugging. “In my family we’d always decorate together. It’s fun. We could put on some Christmas music. Get in the spirit.”

“I don’t know if I have much spirit, but if you want,” said Roxas, rubbing the back of his head. He sighed and slipped off his sneakers before moving into the living room with Axel, kneeling down to start unpacking the bags of decoration.

“Alexa, play Trans Siberian Orchestra,” Axel called. A orchestral version of ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’ began before transitioning into a rock orchestra of ‘Carol of the Bells.’ Axel played air guitar and Roxas laughed, shaking his head. Together they trimmed the tree, decked the halls, and hung stockings over the fireplace.

Axel even bought special monogrammed stockings with their names on them. “Consider it an early Christmas gift,” he said, handing the velvet stocking to Roxas. It was red with a green top and his name in gold lettering. Axel’s was red with a white top and red lettering, so they weren’t completely matching.

“Thanks,” Roxas said, “That’s really thoughtful. I’ve never had a personalized stocking before...it’s kind of nice. Now we just need a topper for the tree.”

Axel looked up and sighed. “I knew I forgot something. Oh well, we can go pick something out together. Do you prefer a star or a tree angel?”

“Star,” said Roxas, “but maybe we do have a tree angel. Hang on.” He dug through boxes that had once contained ornaments until he found a twisty-tie. Then he went to the kitchen and grabbed a chair to stand on.

“Whatever you’re doing, I can probably do it easier,” said Axel. “No offense, you’re pretty short.”

“I’m not short,” Roxas shot back,, “You’re just really tall. ...Ok it’s a combination of the two, but I’ve got it.”

He went to the shelf where Axel displayed his FFVII figures and carefully picked up Axel’s Sephiroth Play Arts figure. Axel helped him by holding him steady as he stood on a chair to place Sephiroth to the top of the tree. He hopped off the chair and they both stood back to admire the handiwork.

“There,” said Roxas, “one winged angel.”

Axel laughed and shook his head. “I like it,” he said, “Should we put Cloud in the tree so he can fight Sephiroth?”

“No,” said Roxas, “I’m not sure the tree could support another figure and besides, then Zack would be left out.”

“Wouldn’t want Zack to get lonely,” said Axel. He walked over to the bookshelf and rearranged the figures so that Cloud and Zack stood side by side, watching the tree. “There! Now they can keep an eye on Seph together.”

“Are we being immature?” asked Roxas.

“Does it matter?” Axel responded, then turned to consider the figures again.“And besides, we aren’t really. Now this would be immature.” He changed the figures so they were facing each other and groping each other’s butts.

“Oh my God,” said Roxas, laughing despite himself.

“What? They like each other.”

“You are such a dork.”

“But you love me,” he said, and then realized what he’d said. “I mean...every time we’ve hung out has been pretty fun, right? If you can put up with me so far I think we’re going be friends.” 

“Yeah!” Roxas agreed, nodding.

“So you feel the spirit yet?” asked Axel.

Roxas just shrugged, returning to his place on the couch and picking up the Switch controller again. “I guess?”

“Well,” said Axel, “How about we go on a sleigh ride?”

Roxas put down the controller again. “A sleigh ride? Seriously?”

“What? It’s in all the songs.” Axel shrugged, then picked up one of the papers he’d tucked into the shopping bags. “And they actually offer sleigh rides at one of the parks. It’s not too expensive. There’s also a Christmas village light show thing we can walk through, maybe buy some hot cocoa or roasted chestnuts?”

“Just live out a Christmas song?”

“Why not?” asked Axel. “Tell me you’re not a bit stir crazy already?”

“Are you?” asked Roxas.

“Me? No,” Axel said, “Normally I’m more of a hibernator. Break is for naps. But since you’re here, I don’t think me sleeping for a month would be very entertaining. So let’s make plans for Christmas Eve. Sleigh ride in the afternoon, and then walking in a winter wonderland of lights once it’s dark.”

“All right,” said Roxas. “You know, if we’re spending Christmas together I should probably get you something.”

“Same,” said Axel. “So I guess tomorrow we’ll go shopping? We can split up and get things wrapped at the gift wrapping station so we won’t see what we’ve got. Then just hide whatever candy we get to fill the stockings from each other. I’ll stuff yours if you stuff mine. Wait...that sounded better in my head.”

Axel blushed and looked away, but he didn’t too bad about the slip. It was worth it to see Roxas laugh again.


	4. December 22nd

The outdoor marketplace was basically a shopping mall without a roof and with a lot more fountains and fireplaces, and it was absolutely packed.

“You’d think people would have been done with shopping already, this close to Christmas,” said Roxas. “Or at least not gone here since it’s cold out.”

“There’s little portable heaters set up,” said Axel, “and it will be plenty warm in the stores.”

“I guess,” Roxas shrugged, struggling to keep pace with Axel. His legs were so long.

“And I promise tomorrow we don’t have to go out at all,” said Axel, “we can just sleep in, take naps, maybe binge watch some shows or play video games if we get time between sleeping.”

“Sounds like you really like sleeping,” said Roxas.

“You kidding? I'd nap six times a day if I had time,” said Axel. “But I think getting in the spirit of christmas with you if worth my noble sacrifice.”

“Thanks,” said Roxas dryly.

“So how do you want to do this?” asked Axel. “We could window shop a bit? Get an idea of things each other likes? Then we split up and gift shop?”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Roxas.

Axel looked back at him and then held out his hand. “Here,” he said, “so I don’t get too far ahead. I’d hate to lose you in the crowd.”

Roxas hesitated...holding hands in public? What would people think? But he was out now wasn’t he? He’d told himself when he got to university that he wouldn’t care what anyone thought. That he’d be himself.

He took a breath and reached out, taking Axel’s hand in his.

“You’re really warm,” he exclaimed. As soon as he’d said he regretted. It must have sounded so stupid, stating the obvious like that. “It’s just surprising.”

“I run hot,” said Axel. “And you might run cold.”

“Together we form...?” 

Axel chuckled, “No idea, balance?”

“Very Zen,” said Roxas.

They made their way between the shops and turned into the central corridor. In the center of the mall was an enormous christmas covered in lights and around it a small ice rink. “Whoa!” said Roxas. “I didn’t know about that.”

“Pretty amazing,” said Axel. “A nice little circle of ice with a tree in center. I bet they have skates for rent. You want to try it?”

“We’re here to shop,” said Roxas.

“True,” said Axel. “Afterwards then?”

Roxas looked down a moment. “I’ve never gone ice skating before...I know it probably sounds dumb but…”

“Hey, there’s a first time for everything.”

“I’ll probably fall and look like an idiot.”

“Everyone falls,’ said Axel, “even olympic figure skaters.”

“Are you really into figure skating?”

 “Only since I started watching Yuri On Ice. I played hockey as a kid, but that anime is almost enough to make me wish I had done figure skating.”

“Yuri on Ice? So it’s an anime about skating. I though anime was about robots or fighting.”

“Anime can be about anything,” said Axel. “Lots of sports anime exist. And now you know when we get home we’re binging watching Yuri On Ice, right? It’s really good. I think you’ll like it.”

“Sure,” said Roxas. He liked trying out new shows.

“Anyway, my point is even the best skaters in the world fall. It happens and it doesn’t make you an idiot. Besides, you’ll be with me.”

“And?”

“Well I happen to be pretty decent at skating,” said Axel, “and I won’t let you fall.”

Roxas looked up at him and smiled. “It does look fun,” he admitted. “But first, shopping.”

They walked along together, looking in the brightly let store fronts. Occasionally venturing in to look around. Roxas had to admit all the decorations were pretty. Although he wondered why so many Christmas songs were also love songs. ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ wasn’t so bad, it was sort of infectious really. But then came “This Christmas”. Even “Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow” was a love song when you really listened to it.

The songs made him keenly aware of Axel’s hand on his. How right it felt. He looked down at their hands for a moment, musing on how they fit together and then looked away. He watched the other shoppers. Lots of couples walking with their arms wrapped around each other for warmth.

Roxas pulled his hand away.

Axel stopped and looked at him quizzically.

“Uh...I want to look at that,” he said, pointing to the window of a bakery he’d spotted. He walked over, looking through the glass.

Axel followed him over. “Now this is my kind of window shopping.”

The display was gorgeous. White paper lanterns with Japanese writing hung above rows of baked goods. The top row was dedicated to whole cakes crowned with strawberries or sugar flowers along with an enormous custard filled fruit tart. Below that were roll cakes and slices of cake, each layered with frosting. The bottom shelf held small tarts and golden slices of cheesecake with a texture that looked almost like a cloud.

“Everything looks so good,” said Roxas.

“You want to go in?” asked Axel.

“I thought we were trying to avoid getting side tracked?”

“You were trying to avoid getting side tracked,” said Axel. “I’m more of a enjoy the experience kind of guy. Come on, I think we can take time for cake.”

He took his hand again, this time to lead him into the shop. Roxas stepped through the door and into the lovely warmth of the bakery surrounded by the delicious aroma of freshly baked breads and cakes.

“How about the Christmas cake?” asked Axel. He pointed to slices of sponge cake layered with strawberries and whipped cream.

“So we’re going to hit every tradition?” asked Roxas.

“Well not English Fruit Cake,” said Axel, “but I like fresh strawberries.”

“I do too,” Roxas admitted, “and these cakes look so cute.”

“Two please,” Axel said, taking out his wallet to pay.

Roxas wanted to protest that he could pay for his own, but Axel was already handing the lady behind the counter a twenty. Maybe it was better not to argue. Axel liked being generous after all. It’s just...it made this all feel kind of like a date.

The woman handed Axel two small, clear plastic trays with a slice of cake sitting on white paper, a small fork lay next to each. Axel carried them to a small cafe style table inside the store and set them down. Roxas took a seat.

“It’s almost too pretty to eat,” he said looking down on his cake. “So perfect.”

“Yeah,” said Axel, “like a picture.”

Roxas looked up to see that Axel wasn’t looking at his cake. Was Axel looking at him? His heart was racing and felt a rush of warmth in his chest and a weird feeling in his stomach. Axel smiled at him.

“Pretty or not, we should try it,” said Axel.

“Right, the cake,” said Roxas. He picked up his fork and dug in, taking a bite.

After they finished the agreed to split up to shop and then meet back at the skating rink in an hour. They agreed on one gift each, nothing too expensive, and then went their separate ways. After a lot of searching and even more deliberating Roxas settled on something. It was pretty cute and technically functional and if Axel didn’t like it he made sure to include a gift receipt. Now he just had to make it to a gift wrapping station without running into Axel.

Mission accomplished Roxas headed towards the skating rink where Axel was waiting. Roxas wasn’t entirely sure the hand holding had been necessary. It was pretty impossible to miss Axel in a crowd. Roxas waved at him then jogged to meet him.

“All set?” asked Roxas.

“Yup,” said Axel. “And they’ll hold our bags at the skate rental station.” He pointed towards a kiosk.

Axel wasn’t kidding about being a good skater. Once they got out on the ice Axel held both his hands and skated backwards so he could act as brace as Roxas tried to find his legs on the ice.

“Try just marching first,” said Axel, “Keep your knees bent.” His tone was kind and encouraging. Roxas smiled at him even though he felt shaky at first. Although years of skateboarding meant he was used to finding his balance and keeying his knees bent.

“You’re doing great!” said Axel. “Ok, now to glide just your skates outwards. Kind of find a rhythm, side to side. What you don’t want to do is push yourself along by front of your skate. That’s called the pick and if you push that on the ice, you’re probably going to trip.”

“Ok,” said Roxas.

“Just keep your weight on the back of your feet,” said Axel.

“This is a lot of things to remember at once,” Roxas pointed out.

“You’re doing great for your first time,” said Axel.

And indeed, soon enough Roxas found he could make his way around the rink without clinging to Axel. Although learning how to stop was harder. Axel showed him how to do what he called a ‘snow plow’ stop which involved putting one leg in front of the other and turning it to side.

“See if you can skate to me, then stop,” said Axel, gliding over to stand by the wall.

Roxas gave it a try, but only managed to turn right into Axel. He put his hands out to catch himself on the wall behind Axel rather than hit him. At the same time Axel put his hands up to try to catch him. The result was Roxas slid right up against him, pinning him on either side with Axel’s hands pressed against his chest.

“I’m sorry!” Roxas exclaimed, trying to stand back up which almost sent him toppling over backwards.

Axel grabbed him and pulled him up again. Roxas felt his hand against his ass.

“Sorry,” said Axel. “I just grabbed your butt. I didn't mean to do that.”

“It’s ok, I almost ran into you,” said Roxas. “Thanks for not letting me fall.”

He looked up at Axel and gave him a half smile. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. The moment when he almost skated into him replayed in his head like slow motion. His hands on either side of Axel’s slender frame. How close there were together. Roxas didn’t think he’d ever been so close to anyone.


	5. December 24th

Axel wrapped his arm around Roxas, holding him close for warmth as they took their seats on the sleigh. Axel sat on the outside with Roxas in the center. There was room for eight on the sleigh with two benches facing each other. They were seated facing forward. Beside them sat a straight couple. They took a seat beside Roxas and the woman leaned into her boyfriend who sat on left edge of the sleigh. He put an arm around her, just as Axel had an arm around Roxas.   
We must really look like a couple, thought Axel. He hoped that didn’t make Roxas uncomfortable. Being seen like that. 

Across from them sat a a family of four, a grandfather, his middle-age daughter, and the old man’s adult granddaughter with a baby in her arms. The family smiled softly at them, apparently happy to see all the young happy couples, Axel and Roxas included. Axel glanced down at Roxas then and found he was smiling softly, probably grateful for the warmth.

Roxas had been a bit nervous when they’d arrived to find it wasn’t a private sleigh ride. He hadn’t said anything, but Axel had seen it on his face. The look of concern that someone might say something because he and Axel were doing this together. 

Thankfully they didn’t need to worry. 

While waiting for their departure time, the groups mingled in a waiting area. There was a table with packages of hot cocoa or apple cider mix beside a hot water dispenser. They were helping themselves to free hot drinks when the girl practically crooned, “You guys are such a cute couple!”

Roxas seemed too embarrassed to try to correct her or to say anything. 

“Uh, thanks?” said Axel, “You guys are cute too.” 

“Thanks,” said the boyfriend, looking just as embarrassed. 

The family just smiled at them all. No one seemed hostile or disapproving, so when they boarded the sleigh and Roxas began to shiver, Axel didn’t think twice about putting an around him.

It had been six days since the semester ended, and five since the storm hit, but things had warmed up since then. Enough so that Axel had worried if there would be enough snow left on the ground for a Christmas Eve sleigh ride. However, Christmas Eve had dawned cold and grey, the clouds threatening another shower of flurries. 

The woman who’d signed them in climbed aboard the sleigh with an armful of soft blankets. She handed out one to them, one to the straight couple, and one to the family sitting across of them to spread across everyone. Axel unfolded the blanket and tucked it around Roxas and himself. 

Soon they were off, bouncing along down the path through the heavily wooded park. The “sleigh” wasn’t a traditional sleigh, there were wheels under it so they could still go even if the snow wasn’t that deep. The recent melt made for a bumpy ride as he and Roxas were jostled along in their seats, but that was part of the fun. The horses had bells tied to their harnesses which jingled as they bumped along. 

“It really is like the song,” said Roxas. “I haven’t thought about my mom in a long time. Not the good times anyway, it hurt too much. But just now I remembered how she used to sing to me. All the Christmas songs. When I was little, Christmas was the most exciting thing ever, well that and summer vacation. But it really was the happiest time of the year.”

“I hope this hasn’t made you sad,” said Axel.

“No,” said Roxas, “I’m happy. Right now I feel like a kid again.”

Axel kept his left arm around Roxas, if only to keep the blankets tucked so that no heat would get out. Under the blanket Roxas’s hand rested on Axel’s hand. Axel thought thought it had more to do with wanting to keep his hands warm rather than any desire Roxas might have to hold hands but all the same Axel covered Roxas’s hand with his right hand and the two snuggled close together for the duration of the ride. It seemed natural to be like that. 

As the sleigh made through the woods snow began to fall in soft pellets. 

“Is it snowing?” asked Roxas.

“This is called graupel,” said the sleigh driver. “It’s what happens when snowflakes collect supercooled water droplets.”

“It’s like sky dippin’ dots,” said Roxas.

God he’s cute, thought Axel. 

The sleigh turned down a steep hill and Roxas almost fell out of his seat. He put his feet down to keep himself from sliding off the bench only to almost fall forward. Instantly Axel wrapped both arms around him and pulled him back into his seat. 

The family across the way winced at Roxas’s near fall. Once he was safely back on the bench the middle-aged mom across the way looked relieved. “Thought we might have to catch you for a moment there.” 

“I’ve got this one,” said Axel, “nothing to worry about.” 

It struck him how much he liked the way that sounded. I’ve got you. It struck him how much he liked being close to Roxas. Like their bodies were made to fit like this, entwined and holding each other. Their closeness providing shelter from the cold.

After the sleigh ride, they headed to downtown to look at the Christmas lights. In the square in front of town hall the trees were draped in lights. In the center of it all was an enormous Christmas tree bathed in blue light. Beyond the trees and fairy lights, the clocktower rose, its clock face glowing in the darkness. 

They walked together, still hand in hand and huddling together for warmth. Propper snow had begun to fall again, the snow flakes twinkled in the light. It seemed as if the whole world was shining.

“All is bright,” said Roxas. He looked up at Axel and smiled. “Everything is so still. It feels like another world, a new land, somewhere magic.” 

“I know what you mean,” he said, look out across the sea of lights shining from every branch of every tree. Then he looked down at Roxas again. “Everything feels different. New.” 

They passed a stand selling roasted chestnuts and hot drinks. He bought them each some more hot cocoa which came loaded with marshmallows and garnished with a candy cane, and a bag of warm chestnuts to share. Both helped warm their hands as they walked along.

“I can’t believe tomorrow’s Christmas,” said Axel.

“Yeah,” said Roxas, “I can’t believe I get to have a Christmas. All of this feels almost like a dream, if that makes sense. Like I can’t believe this is really happening to me. I can’t thank you enough, Axel.”

“Hey, it’s nothing,” said Axel. “We’ve both had a lot of fun.” 

They turned down the side walked and walked along the street, back towards where they’d parked. 

“Hey, have you ever seen the “All I Want For Christmas is You?” chatroulette video?” asked Axel. He figured it wasn’t something Roxas’s grandfather would be happy to catch him watching.

“I didn’t even have a cell phone or internet access in high school. What’s chatroulette?” asked Roxas, confirming Axel’s suspicion. 

“It’s a website where they pair you with random people to video chat,” said Axel.

“That sounds dangerous,” said Roxas.

“I may or may not have seen a lot of penises,” admitted Axel, “but sometimes cool things happened, like this video.” 

He fished his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the youtube video. Together they stood on the corner and watched. Half the screen showed a bearded man in a sexy Santa Costume danced to Mariah Carey's “All I Want For Christmas Is You” and the other half showed the delighted responses of the people who saw them. Facing going from confusion to grinning. Girls dancing along to the music, groups of bro dudes singing along or dancing with their arms wrapped around each other. 

Axel had the phone’s volume set to max as they watched, although his eyes were more on Roxas than the screen.

“Everyone’s so happy to see this,” said Roxas.

“My favorite is the bro dudes just hugging,” said Axel. 

At that moment a car turned the corner and a group of guys hung out the windows singing along loudly. “All I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU!” They sang while pointing. 

Axel and Roxas burst into laughter as the car drove away down the street. 

“I can’t believe that just happened,” said Axel.

“It was perfect timing,” Roxas agreed. “And I think...I think I understand what you meant about Christmas.”

Roxas looked up at Axel and the smile on Roxas’s face was enough to make him Axel’s heart melt. 

“How so?”

“It’s just contagious joy,” he said. “Just making people happy. People just having fun.”

“I guess that’s what they mean by be of good cheer,” said Axel. “And hey, the best is yet to come! Tomorrow we get to open presents. I hope you like what I got you. It’s not much, but..” He shrugged.

“Yeah, mine isn’t that exciting either, but hopefully you’ll like it. But you know, you’ve already given me so many things lately. You’re all I need this Christmas. Just all this. Getting to hang out and do all this stuff.” 

Axel felt himself blushing. “I already said you don’t have to thank me.”

“Yeah, I know,” said Roxas, “I just want you to know, but I don’t even know how to explain it. You show me how to see things differently. I must sound so stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” said Axel. “Come on though, it’s cold out. Let’s go home and be warm. I can build a fire, toast some marshmallows.”

They threw away their empty cups and bag then continued on their way to the car. 

“Do you mind if we hold hands again?” asked Roxas. “It’s pretty cold.”

“We can put our arms around each other,” Axel suggested. “Stay close for warmth. You didn’t seem to mind, when I did that on the sleigh, did you? It’s just you were shivering.”

“No! I didn’t mind,” said Roxas, “It was...nice.” He reached out and wrapped an arm around Axel. “This is nice.”


	6. December 25th

On Christmas morning, Roxas woke to find a brightly wrapped gift under the tree next his own (which he had been hiding under the couch along with various kinds of candy to put in Axel’s stocking until last night). They could have just put the gifts under the tree, but Axel had said waking up on Christmas morning to a sudden pile of presents was part of the fun. He was up well before Axel, but waited for him to open anything. Although he did notice his stocking was brimming with sweets. Instead, he went to the kitchen and pulled out a can of Cinnamon Roll dough he’d picked up from the stores, then went in search of a baking sheet. 

“This will warm things up,” he said to himself as he set the oven to preheat. Carefully Roxas pulled the paper off the can bracing himself for the ‘POP’ that had always terrified him when he was little. He pulled apart the buns and placed them on the well greased sheet. 

There was something about the scent of cinnamon that had always meant Christmas. To the point that he thought of certain craft stores became the place that smells like Christmas. Axel had been sharing so many Christmasy pass time with him, he wanted to do something for Axel. He then loaded some seasalt caramel white chocolate mocha K-cups into Axel’s Keurig and set a pot of coffee brewing. 

Hopefully Axel would be up before everything gets too cold, thought Roxas. He seemed to like sleeping in most days from what Roxas had seen. 

It turned out he didn’t need to worry because Axel padded out into the living room just as Roxas was icing the cinnamon rolls. 

“It smells amazing in here,” said Axel. His eyes went wide when he saw the cinnamon rolls. “You got up early to bake? Roxas, that’s amazing. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” said Roxas. “I also made coffee so we can have breakfast and open gifts.”

“Well maybe open gifts first so our hands aren’t all sticky,” suggested Axel.

“Good point,” said Roxas. He set the bun he'd been icing down, then reached into one of the cabinets to get down a pair of plates. “Here, I’ll set these out on a plate.”

“And I will pour us both coffee,” said Axel, joining him in the kitchen. 

Once they were settled in on the floor of the living rooms, cups and plates laid out on the coffee table, Axel picked up his box for Roxas and presented it on bended knee, like a knight offering up his sword. Roxas laughed as he took the offering, then handed Axel the gift he'd picked out 

Axel tore into his, but Roxas took his time. He held it for a moment and then shook it. “I can’t remember the last time I got a present,” he admitted.

“Were birthday gifts against your grandfather’s religion too?” asked Axel, pausing midway through opening the boxed chocolate orange from his stocking.

“The Bible does not show Jesus or his apostles celebrating birthdays,” said Roxas. 

“I’m sorry,” said Axel. 

“Hey, it’s not so bad,” said Roxas. “At least I wasn’t raised in it. Sometimes I think maybe that’s why my mom ended up so messed up. Grow up being told everything but church is bad and you’re not good enough you end up doing every ‘bad’ thing once you get a chance. I was already a teenager when I moved in with my grandfather so I could just pretend to go along with things until I was old enough to move out. It wasn’t fun though. I basically had to keep anything I enjoyed a secret. I wasn’t even allowed to have friends outside the congregation.”

“Well I’m glad you got out,” said Axel. “And I’m glad we got to share today.” 

“I am too,” Roxas said, “the last few days have been great and today is amazing, not just because of the sleigh ride or getting to open a present. Just spending time together. Knowing I can be myself. I can love-” Had he almost said love you. That would have been a bad slip.  
“--Who I want to love.” He finished lamely. “It’s nice being welcome here, being accepted.” He turned his attention back to the package on his lap. 

He finished opening it and laughed out loud as he pulled a cartoonish penguin onesie from the white cardboard box. 

“I think we had the same idea,” he said, looking up to see Axel holding his own penguin onesie that Roxas had picked for him. It wasn’t exactly the same as the one Axel had gotten him. The one in Roxas’s hands had a giant beak and big cartoon eyes. Axel’s was subtler, the hood was mostly white with a black fabric that ran down the center of the hood to meet a small triangle of yellow for the beak and the eyes were no more than small dots of black. 

“We have to put these one now, you know.” said Axel. He unzipped his and slid it on over his pajamas. Roxas laughed and followed suit. 

Axel stood up and grabbed the stockings, handing Roxas his before sitting down to empty out his own. While they went through their feast of goodies Axel’s phone buzzed. Roxas sighed...not another half-overheard conversation.

To his relief Axel said, “Merry Christmas Mom! I’m sorry, but I can’t talk right now. Roxas and I are still in the middle of going through our stockings. Can I call you back?”

Roxas relaxed and reached for his coffee. 

“I know what time it is,” said Axel. “I’m not going to get up at five in the morning.”

Roxas tried to cover his laughter. Apparently it wasn’t so easy to get off the phone with Axel’s mom. 

“Of course you’ve been up for hours, you’re in a different time zone. And I guess I could if Roxas is ok with it. Hold on.”

Axel put his hand over the phone. “Hey so my mom would like me to do video call from my laptop while we go through our candy. She asked me to tell you that she’d love to meet you.”

“Ok...I guess?” Roxas shrugged. He was still nervous about meeting Axel’s parents but just saying hi through a computer screen couldn’t be too bad, could it?

Axel went to his room and fetched his lap top. He set it up on a chair so the camera would be able to see them both then clicked to start the call. 

The screen showed a red haired woman with bright green eyes, just like Axel’s eyes. The man beside her had blue eyes and his hair had gone grey. Beside them was a red haired girl with with large bright blue eyes.

“I thought you were you were an only child,” said Roxas.

“Oh, that’s my cousin, Kairi,” said Axel. “Say hi, Cous’!”

The girl waved and said hello. 

“I have a ton of cousins,” Axel admitted to Roxas, who shyly waved back at the girl.

“They’re all at the movies right now,” said Axel’s father. “But your mother and I decided to stay home and relax a bit.”

“And when they said they were calling you, I had to stay home too,” said Kairi. “I miss you!”

“You know you can call whenever Kairi,” said Axel.

“But I can’t say Merry Christmas whenever, or meet your new boyfriend." She stopped, then got closer to the screen, to look at their feed. "Oh my god, are you guys wearing matching pajamas? That’s so cute!”

“You guys look adorable, you have to take a picture and send it to me,” said his mom. “And even without the penguin costumes you’d still be an adorable couple. Oh, where are my manners? Roxas, so glad to finally meet you. I’m Axel’s mom, you can call me Mom.”

“Mom!” snapped Axel. 

“Exactly,” said his mother pretending not to notice his annoyance. 

“Don’t tease him too much, honey,” said his father. “If you embarrass him he might not invite you to the wedding.”

“Dad, not you too!” said Axel.

“You know I’m joking,” said his father. “You’re not allowed to get married until you’ve at least gotten a doctorate or one patent. Same rule for you, Kairi.”

“If you say so Uncle Monty.” 

“So how has your Christmas been so far?” asked Axel’s mom. 

“Well we got each other pajamas,” said Roxas, not sure how to react to their playful banter. “And candy.” This was so awkward. But it was also kind of nice to see how friendly they were and to think he’d be welcome as part of their family if he and Axel were actually dating. It was kind of nice to think about the idea of him and Axel actually dating. 

“I have to start cooking Christmas dinner soon,” said Axel’s father. 

“Christmas dinner, I knew I forgot something,” said Axel. “I haven’t thought about that at all and now it’s Christmas…”

“Chinese food?” suggested his mom. 

“In Japan they eat KFC for Christmas,” said Kairi.

“I doubt any KFC are open on Christmas day in this country,” said Axel. “But I guess we’ll have to figure out what is open. I still have plenty of money left over from what you sent.”

“Perfect then,” said his mom. “And whatever you have left over at the end of break you split with Roxas, ok? I want to feel like I’ve given you both something. I really hope you can both join us next year!” 

“Mom, don’t pressure him.”

“No, it’s ok,” said Roxas. “Thank you for inviting me. It’s nice to feel...wanted.”

“Oh sweetheart,” cooed Axel’s mother.

“Well I can say for sure that I want you,” said Axel, then flushed, stumbling over his next words. “Around, I mean. You’re fun to have around.” He laughed and shook his head, turning back to his computer. “Sorry to keep it short, but I think we need to start looking into dinner options for later.”

“Of course,” said his dad. “We love you!”

“Love you!”

Kairi made a heart symbol with her hands. 

“Love you too.” And with a chorus of overlapping ‘Merry Christmases’, they hung up the call.

Axel shut his lap top and sighed. “Sorry if that was embarrassing. But they’re not so bad.”

“They actually seem kind of great,” said Roxas, “although I don’t regret that we stayed here for Christmas. The last few days have been a ton of fun.”

“And there’s still Christmas Dinner,’ said Axel. “If I can find somewhere to eat. Do you like Chinese food?”

“Saying that just makes me think of A Christmas Story and I hated that movie,” said Roxas.

“Really?” asked Axel.

“They’d play it every year at school,” said Roxas. “I was actually glad to claim a religious exemption during High School so I could go hide in the library instead.” 

“Well, let me Google something else, then,” said Axel, pulling his laptop down and opening it. 

Roxas turned his attention back to his stocking, and then reached for a cinnamon roll. 

“Oooh, this looks good,” said Axel.

“What is it?” asked Roxas. He took a bite out of his roll, then leaned over so he could get a better look at the screen. Axel had pulled up a photograph of a fancy restaurant all decked out in holiday lights.

“One of the resorts has a Christmas buffet,” said Axel. “It’s expensive, but we still have plenty of money from my mom. They’ve got a carving station with lamb, goose, beef, ham-”

“So basically the entire barn yard is an option,” said Roxas. 

“Yeah, and the herbivorous butcher vegan short ribs in case you don’t want meat and a ton of other stuff too.”

“That’s nice,” said Roxas, “Although I do like meat. I’ve never had lamb or goose before, is it good?” Roxas moved even closer to look at the menu.

“It’s amazing. We should go,” said Axel.

“Lobster and king crab bisque, cheesy brussels sprouts casserole, lobster Gnocchi with lemon cream, parmesan and arugula, rosemary roasted root vegetables, maple glazed salmon,” Roxas read from the menu.

“And so much more, more than we can eat, more than we can even try,” said Axel, “and an assortment of mini desserts and parfaits.” 

“Can we still get a reservation?”

“Let me call,” said Axel. He got to his feet and took out his cell phone, dialing the number. A cherry voiced woman answered the phone with the name of the restaurant and a Merry Christmas. 

“Merry Christmas, “ Axel said, returning the greeting. “You don’t happen to have any opening for dinner left do you?” He wasn’t terribly hopeful, but it was worth a try. And if not they could always go out for Hot Pot. 

“We do actually! For how many?” she chirped brightly.

“Two please,” said Axel.”

“What time would you like? Our last seating is at four.”

“Four would be perfect,” said Axel. He gave the woman his information and hung up the phone beaming. “We’ve got a table.”

“All right!” said Roxas. “Huh, guess I’ll have to get dressed nicer than a penguin onesie.”

“Did you pack any dressy clothes?” asked Axel.

“Yeah,” said Roxas. He paused and looked out the window, trying to keep a flood of bad memories from coming to mind. “I own a lot of church clothes.”

“So God isn’t anti-nice clothes at least,” said Axel.

“No, God requires a strict dress code apparently. To show your respect for God you have dress well for congregation meetings.”

“I don’t remember dress codes in the Bible,” said Axel.

“The Bible encourages Christians to dress ‘with modesty and soundness of mind.’ And ‘Soundness of mind’ apparently means attractive clothing that is not sloppy or extreme.”

“I have a feeling your Grandfather liked to lecture you,” said Axel.

“You have no idea,” said Roxas. “The lectures weren’t the worst of it.” He looked away for a moment eyes down cast. “One time he said an ungrateful child doesn’t have the right to question. Nor does it even have the right to be.” Roxas drew a ragged breath that sounded more like a sob, tears welling in his large blue eyes. “He said, You came into this world because of your mother’s sin and live here thanks to my charity. Like I should have never been born and had to be more grateful, even though I felt like he’d take everything from me. Like my life wasn’t my own and I shouldn’t even have a life in the first place.” 

“Roxas,” said Axel gently. He knelt down and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

Roxas sniffed and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “Sometimes I used to think I could just disappear, that I should just disappear, and no one would miss me.”

“That’s not true,” said Axel, “I would.”

Roxas looked up at him, blue eyes even brighter brimmed with tears.

“He shouldn't have said those things to you, it was cruel and wrong.” He pulled Roxas into a hug and just held him. Hesitatingly Roxas reached out and wrapped his arms around Axel, holding onto him and burying his face against Axel’s chest. 

“I’m sorry,” said Roxas. “I shouldn’t have - I don’t know why I told you all that. And we were so happy and now I’m a mess.”

“Here, let me get you a tissue,” Axel said, untangling himself from Roxas and getting to his feet. He returned with a tissue box and handed one to Roxas. 

They sat together in silence for a moment and then Axel said, “You know, you don’t have to dress up if you don’t want to. I’m sure they won’t kick us out.”

“It’s not the clothes that’s the issue,” said Roxas, “it’s just all the bad memories and I never know when something will remind me and there’s a lot of bad memories.”

“Well maybe we can make more good memories together and just try to think of those instead. Like think of me telling you now that it doesn’t matter what circumstances you were born in. You’re your own person, Roxas. You deserve to exist.” 

“Thanks,” he gave Axel a soft smile, then looked down at himself. “I guess I’ll get cleaned up and we can make more memories together.”

“A marvelous dinner and getting to dress however the fuck you want to dress,” said Axel. “I bet the first thing you did when you moved out was buy new clothes?”

“Yeah, hot topic and vans,” said Roxas, “and a lot of thrift shops.” He smiled at that memory. 

Axel was glad to get him on a happier topic. Although all the same, it was nice that Roxas was comfortable enough to open up to him. He needed to open up to someone.

“Alright, so let’s pick out outfits that are perfectly us,” said Axel. “But no need rush, we’ve got time.”

When the time came for them to head out, Axel emerged from his room wearing a red patterned sweater over khaki pants, his hair pulled up in a loose bun. He pulled on his long black coat and looked up to see Roxas head out in a black zip up turtleneck and white fleece-lined jacket.

“You look good,” he said, smiling softly. 

“Thanks,” said Roxas, “So do you. I like your hair like that.” He looked away shyly a blush building in his cheeks.

“Well, shall we?” asked Axel. He held open the door for Roxas and together they stepped out into the snow.

When they arrived at the hotel, they discovered that the restaurant was on the other side of the building from the parking garage. So together they made their way through the resort’s wide hallways, enjoying the warmth and Christmas decorations as they went. When they came to a fork in the hall, they paused looking for a sign.

Roxas stepped forward. “I think it’s this way,” he said pointing. Then he looked back at Axel and chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” asked Axel. 

“Look up,” said Roxas.

Axel glanced up. Above him, hung in the middle of a strand of garland that looked like pine wrapped in gold and red beads was a sprig of leaves with snow white berries. 

“Mistletoe.” Axel said aloud, then licked his lips in thought.

Roxas looked at him and smiled nervously and then came towards him. Axel’s heart began to race. Roxas looked up at him and they both hesitated for a moment standing so close but unsure how to close the distance between them. 

“I’d like to kiss you,” said Roxas.

“I’d like that too,” said Axel.

Roxas looked up as Axel leaned down. Their noses brushed against each other, almost nuzzling, as they sought each other’s lips. Then Axel’s lips pressed into his, soft and wet and radiating warmth like a fire. Roxas felt his lips part, willing and open. His eyes slipped closed, for once, completely unconcerned about the rest of the world or what anyone might think.


End file.
